Legal Lawyer
by dezagirl
Summary: For a random quote challenge. Duncan is accused by Courtney of stealing three priceless diamonds. Hilarity insues when the defense attorney goes insane, someone spikes the punch, and Noah rips his spandex.


Legal Lawyer

A/N: Best. thing. evah. Duncan is sued, intern is lawyer, he is sued for lots of crap but mainly the robbery of priceless diamonds against Courtney and lawyer Noah. BEGIN!

"Duncan," the firey brown-haired beauty snarled, "I am taking you to court." "I told you," he muttered, "I didn't steal the diamonds."

She smiled. "Civil lawsuit or criminal lawsuit? Take your pick."

That was why he was in court with TDI cameras pointed right at his teen face.

His red haired lawyer, Kimoko, had told him to keep shut. He did.

First Noah came up. Oh, my god.

"Judge Joneson," he spoke, "my client is sueing for the price of three extremely valuable diamonds and for total disregard of her emotional well being. The defendant, Duncan, is a prime suspect in the robbery."

The judge sighed, flipping her grayish brown hair, her brown skin wrinkled only a bit. "Noah, please begin."

He strode around, beginning to speak. "Your honor, Duncan has had a troubled past. He went to JUVIE, for gods s-"

The internlawyer interrupted, aggravated. "Objection. No revelance to the case."

The judge thought for a minute. "Correct. Noah, please get to the point."

"The point is, honorable judge, that he had a unpaid due on a rented car. Five-hundred dollars. We have a motive." The girl leaned in and spoke to Duncan quietly, mentioning they still didn't have means and other important aspects. Noah coughed yet continued. "Now, at this moment, I would like to call Duncan to the stand for a cross-examination. Thank you, Duncan." As Duncan sat down, he began. "Duncan, where were you at the alleged time of the crime?" Duncan yelled back, irritated, "You're acting like I murdered someone! Gawd!" Noah smiled. "Duncan, make nice for the cameras, doll." He made a wink. Kimoko stood up, disgusted at the wink AND the buttholish remark, screamed. "But this is illegal!" He smiled. "Legal, schmegal, this is reality TV!" She fumed. The judge shrunk down. Noah strode over to Kimoko's desk and quietly took her pen, scribbling furiously on a notepad. "NOAH STOLE MAH PEN!" She shrieked. "You weird kleptomaniac!"

He smiled wickedly. "Kleptomania: it's the new sensation that's sweeping the nation, try it!" He smiled up at the judge. "Now, your honor, at the time of the crime Duncan was at a party with Courtney. Correct, Duncan?" He nodded as if he was rabid. "Now, Duncan, was their punch at this party?" Kimoko stood up, face aghast. "Objection! The attorney is a insane nutcase who likes Cody!" She banged the table she was once sitting at. The judge shook her head. "You're out of order." The red haired intern shrieked. "I'M OUT OF ORDER?!?! YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER! THIS WHOLE PLACE IS OUT OF ORDER! YOUR LOVE LIFE IS OUT OF ORDER! YOUR FILES ARE OUT OF ORDER! THE ALPHABET IS OUT OF ORDER!!! I WILL NOT REST MY CASE!" She sat down, angrily. The judge blinked and turned to Duncan. "Yes," he said. Noah smiled. "Is their a problem?" asked Duncan. "Yes, there is a problem, Mr. Goatface." Kimoko shrieked out yet again," VERBAL ABUSE! This is insane!" Noah continued. "Did you spike the punch?" Duncan sighed. "Don't tell anyone, but I spiked the punch." Noah smiled. "So, Courtney, did you drink any punch?"

"I love you Chef Hatchet. Will you marry me?" "How much punch did you drink?" Noah asked. "All of it! Why is the sky purple?" she asked. Kimoko sighed. "Your honor, the witness is in no state of mind." The judge sighed. "Whatever. I just want to go home. Continue, Noah." Noah smiled. "Duncan, did you steal them?" Duncan sighed. "Okay, here's how it went..."

Kimoko sighed and shook her head.

"Well, she got all goofy off the punch, so she started talking stupid. Stuff like alibaba and crap. So I lifted the diamonds, then shoved them into someone's eye sockets."

"WHAT?!?!" Noah asked.

Duncan spoke- "It gets much stranger Kevin."

Kimoko screamed, while everyone screamed at her to shut the heck up. She quietened down and munched on a PB and J. At exactly that moment, Noah's spandex tights ripped, thus exposing his naked behiney. Kimoko groaned and headdesked. "Noah, Cody is not present," she informed him. He looked down at his naked bosom. "I'm so done with tights!"

The judge sighed. "Here's the ruling."

They paid attention.

"I require all of you idiots to go to an insane asylum. THE END. I need some aspirin."

A/N: Funnn.


End file.
